CLASH BETWEEN INTENTION AND REALIZATION

After more than 15 years of working in cultural and educational organizations and business, one realizes and recognizes that in every practice habits are shaped, one becomes accustomed to the particular rhythms of the work. Also in the creative process one learns about pace, crisis and catharsis. The production process can be highly addictive; adrenaline is part of the performance; perseverance and resilience are challenged, problems have to be solved, hard choices have to be made and when all goes well there is the moment — just before one finishes — where one has to settle for the end result, decide that it is finished, and then let the world take over and the work speak for itself. In this section I have taken as my starting point my reflections on my own practice as an actor and confronted this with scholars who have written about the issues that I consider relevant in thinking about my position as an actor.

Again and again in shows, publications, applications and manifestations there is a strange moment between doing the work and letting it go; the hard confrontation between intention and realization, between personal commitment and public understanding. In the depression that follows every major effort (because adrenaline subsides and the radiant brilliance of the moment passes) the clash between intention and realization manifests itself. This clash provokes movement in a variety of ways, which are indissolubly interwoven: physically, cognitively and emotionally. These movements are part of every learning and adaptation process. I use the word ‘clash’ because this emphasizes the possible collision between intention and realization, which triggers the movement I wish to focus on. Not all clashes are hard though; some are even hardly noticeable. I distinguish between physical, cognitive and emotional clashes, while actually they are one movement, one process, and are deeply interwoven.